"You've Got to Get to Saving Yourself"
Since my mom's death, I've started reading quite a bit about death, dying, and grief. Articles on Modern Loss and in the New York Times. Books of fiction, books of poetry, and books that fall somewhere in between. Blogs about healing and blogs about the abomination that is the American funeral industry. Unfortunately, we're made to feel shame about reading self-help books—so I'm gonna give that bs socialization the middle finger and admit I've even been reading some of those too.
What's helped the most though is the full-on, vulnerable writing. The pieces where you can feel someone crying on the other end of the internet, or laughing a muffled laugh about a joke only those who have buried a loved one would get. I like the people who scream through their keyboards and bleed onto a page. So I've decided to write openly about my mom, my grief, and my learnings — openly, regularly, and honestly.
I think about her every day, I talk about her as often as I can, and when I've found so much peace and help in the writing of others, it's only fair that I open up about my own journey. In my readings, my writings, and my work, I find comfort in knowing that there are many of us suffering the same loss, but hungry for information about how we share similar experiences (even in the tiniest ways).
Some weeks I think about what it'd be like if I could have her back, so I'll write about that. Some weeks I think about missing her for in the future, so I'll write about that too. Some mornings I wake up grateful for the life we shared together, and by the evening I'm pissed off as hell that she's gone. I'll write about the ups and downs, the pros and cons, the good days, the bad, and those that sit somewhere between the two. I'll also share my readings, my inspiration, and things that help me when the going gets tough (and when the tough experiences keep me going).
The purpose of this is not to give advice or formally educate you about death, dying, and grief (I do that over here). But rather about sharing my own thoughts and experience in a place for others to find it — maybe you'll just read a little, maybe you'll laugh or cry or connect. Regardless, I'm grateful for your time and attention and look forward to the process.
Photo by Dan Gold on Unsplash